


Truth or Dare? War Time Dead Men X Reader

by Magical_Mages



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Other, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25264381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Mages/pseuds/Magical_Mages
Summary: Just a short reader insert story set during the war. Happy stuff, a drunk game of truth or dare and the general shenanigans of our favorite Dead Men and reader (That's you!)Key-(F/N): First Name(L/N): Last Name(Y/N): Your Name
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Truth or Dare? War Time Dead Men X Reader

**Author's Note:**

> Wartime Dead Men  
> Female Reader insert  
> Word count: 2787

The Irish rain hammered down on the little tavern, begging to be let in. Despite the harsh weather, the atmosphere inside was one of drunk joy. Some soldiers sang and cheered and drank, others drank and congratulated each other quietly. Happy for their victory, mournful for their losses. The Dead Men were, as always, the centre of the celebration. The men called Hopeless and Larrkin told of their victory to anyone who would listen with varying degrees of accuracy. "No, Larrikin that did not happen."

"I did not fall over!"

"You weren't trampled by a horse, Saracen tripped over you."

"Anton, after hearing my cry for help-"

"You mean your girly scream."

"I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP." It was quite the puzzle for anyone unfortunate enough to be listening to tell what really happened. 

No woman was safe from the sweet talk of Erskine Ravel and Saracen Rue. They danced and flirted their way through the crowds, getting the occasional slap for their wandering hands. Dexter Vex, who had barely touched a drink all night, did his best to keep them under control. He felt more like a disappointed mother than a celebrating soldier. "Of course she slapped you, you donkey. What have a I told you about common decency?" 

"Erskine, Erskine put that down. Erskine no!" 

"Saracen why are you on the table?" 

"I swear to God, I let you out of my sight for one second-" 

"And you've just lost alcohol privileges. Go sit by Anton, go. No, no Anton's over there. SARACEN PUT DOWN THAT WOMAN."

Anton Shudder sat in the corner and remained undisturbed. Shudder gave off a distinct aura that even the most drunk of them knew to stay away from. He sat quietly and watched the hooligans he called friends in silent amusement. He could go help Vex get Rue and Ravel under control, or he could watch the chaos unfold. He found watching much more fun. Occasionally, Larrikin would try to drag him into the fray. The red haired man always managed to return Shudder's glares and glowers with impish and goofy grins. His efforts got him thrown out into the rain. Twice.

The final two men sat and drank quietly together. They laughed together softly and the man called Ghastly Bespoke returned any chatter and congratulations sent their way. The second man, one of the name Skulduggery Pleasant, would have looked wistfully amused if he had a face. He felt lighter than he had in years. Not much lighter, granted, but lighter nonetheless. The dreamlike candlelight flickered and danced across his skull as the skeleton sat with his hands folded in front of him. Ghastly, built like a boxer with large and symmetrical scars running down his bald head and face, spoke to him. "We should probably intervene at some point." Skulduggery tilted his head. "And pass up all this free entertainment?" Ghastly chuckled softly. "No but seriously, Anton is going to start hitting Larrikin any moment now and it's only a matter of time before either Erskine or Saracen flirt with the wrong person and we have ourselves another Paris." Had he had lips, Pleasant would've smiled. The third person at the table, a woman by the name of (F/N) (L/N), frowned. "What happened in Paris?" Bespoke leaned back in his chair, running a hand over the week's worth of stubble. "A few months back," he told her "the Dead Men were in Paris. One of the nights, we were staying in a tavern not dissimilar to this one. Erskine and Saracen were being their usual selves you know, flirting and generally invading all the women's personal space. But then Saracen said something he probably shouldn't have to this one woman. Turns out, she was one of the most deadly assassins we have at our disposal. She impaled his hand to the bar." (Y/N)'s gawp gradually turned into a grin "No way." Ghastly nodded, "Yes way. We got him patched up, of course, but that didn't stop him sulking for the rest of the trip. I think her company convinced her to go apologise to him because she turned up at our camp a few days later but then Saracen suggested she make up for it by keeping him company in bed, or something of the sorts, and she knocked his front teeth out." (Y/N) laughed, "God, I would've paid to see that." 

They were interrupted by Dexter slumping down next to them, defeated. "Let it be know," he mumbled into the table "That I did try to control them." Skulduggery patted his back. "A rookie's mistake," he said solemnly "we all should know by now that when women and alcohol are involved, Saracen and Erskine should be tied up and thrown in a cupboard." That's when Saracen Rue decided to jump into (Y/N)'s lap. She grunted at the sudden weight. "(Y/N), my love you look ravishing tonight." Saracen gushed. "Is that a new scar on your chin? No, don't try hide it, it's adorable. My dear, tell me. Have we ever fallen in love?"

"No."

"Are you quite sure? I find it difficult, impossible even, to believe that I could have known such a beautiful woman for such as long as I have known you and not yet even been on a date." (Y/N) raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Of course, we could change that now." 

"No."

"Aw, come on-"

"No, Saracen." Saracen pouted and (Y/N) pushed him off her lap. He landed on the floor and whined. "Oh, I have been wounded! Such a cruel world it is, first she breaks my heart and then my body. What will you take from me next, world?" (Y/N) chuckled and rolled her eyes. Erskine sauntered over, a mischievous glint in his golden eyes. "Gentlemen," he said nodding to the guys and Saracen on the floor. "(Y/N), looking beautiful as ever. Saracen hasn't mentally scarred you too much has he?" (Y/N) grinned, "He mentally scars me every time I have to look at his face." Saracen slapped her shin. "Oi!" he grumbled. Ghastly sighed, "Erskine, Saracen please leave her alone." Erskine's grin widened. "Ooh, is Mr Bespoke perhaps infatuated with dear Miss (L/N) here?" A deep shade of pink rose to Ghastly cheeks. "No. God no, of course not. No offence, (Y/N)." The woman waved her hand dismissively. "None taken."

"It's not that I don't like you or anything. I mean, you're great! You're, you're amazing but you're just not, I guess, my type. Wait no, was that rude? I feel like that was rude. I don't know, do I even have a type? Dexter, what's my type?"

"Any pretty girl who shows the slightest bit of interest in you."

"Yes. Wait," he frowned. "No, that's not right." Erskine shook his head sadly. "I think the good-looks of (Y/N) have turned poor Ghastly's brain to mush. Such a shame it is, may he rest in peace." Dexter bowed his head somberly, "Fly high, Ghastly." Ghastly glared at them, "Shut up." They all laughed. As he did, Dexter's attention was drawn to the other side of the bar. "Larrikin and Hopeless are trying to hug Anton," he informed them. "And Anton's trying to hit them with a chair." Ghastly sighed, "We should probably go to bed before something too drastic happens." Saracen frowned. "Already? But I'm not even tired! And I haven't found a lady friend yet." 

"We can just go up to our rooms and hang out in there to save everyone else from your terrible flirting and Anton's rage." (Y/N) suggested. "Oh, Ok." Saracen jumped to his feet and offered her his hand. "Milady." She accepted his hand up and they waited for the other's to drag away Hopeless, Larrikin and Anton. When he saw her, Anton stopped and frowned. "What's she doing here?" (Y/N) placed a hand to her chest in feigned hurt. "Ouch." But she knew by now not to take the things Shudder said personally. Saracen draped an arm around her shoulders. "Miss (L/N) is gracing us with her presence tonight. You should be grateful, Anton. The last time you were in a room with a woman who was paying attention to you was when you were born." The others laughed, (Y/N) stepped out of Saracen's embrace. He had been leaning on her too much and as such, he fell to the floor for the second time that evening. The others laughed even harder. 

The group gathered in the room the men were sharing that night. Some sat on the floor, others on chairs, (Y/N) found herself flopped over one of the beds. They laughed and drank. Larrikin ended up in several of their laps. He tried to sit on Anton, Anton pushed him over. As (Y/N) reached for her fifth refill, Ghastly grabbed her wrist and looked at her increasingly bloodshot eyes warily. "I think you've had enough." (Y/N) made a face, "Awww, just one more?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Hey, come on, Ghastly. Lighten up," Ravel chimed in, his words slightly slurred. "Let the lady have a drink."

"Yeah, Ghastly." (Y/N) giggled and lunged for the bottle. Ghastly seized her by the waist and lifted her into his arms. She was sober enough to remember she didn't like being picked up but her struggles and kicks were in vain. Ghastly held on to her until she went limp in defeat. "Do I even weigh anything to you?" she sighed. "About as much as a puppy." Ghastly answered. Dexter jumped to his feet, "I wanna see." He held out his arms. "Nooo." (Y/N) whined. One of her feeble kicks caught Ghastly in the face as he passed her squirming form to Dexter but she wasn't sure if he even noticed. Dexter slung her over his shoulder and grinned and her attempts at escape. "Special delivery!" He laughed as he carried her around the room. "Dexter Vex put me down this instant or I swear to God, I'll-" she was cut off by Dexter dropping her into Erskine's lap. She started up but he wrapped his arms around her and held her in a bear hug. "Let me gooo." she whined. "No." Erskine grinned as the others laughed. "I hate all of you." 

"Erskine let go of her." Skulduggery sighed. Erskine obliged and she took up her space on the bed again. "Hold on." Ghastly said, he picked up all the bottles and put them on a shelf high enough not to be a bother for any of the men but far out of reach for (Y/N). "Oh, low blow." she whined. "Not as low as you," Larrikin laughed. (Y/N) threw a cushion at him. "Until you learn to drink responsibly," Ghastly told her. "We'll have to keep drinks out of your reach." (Y/N) rolled her eyes, "Ok, Mum." Ghastly was about to object when Larrikin interrupted. "I'm bored," he declared. "Can we play a game?" 

"Like what?" Hopeless asked. "I don't know. Pin the tail on Saracen? Who can make Anton smile first? How many of us can Ghastly hold at once?" 

"How about truth or dare?" (Y/N) got blank faces in response to her suggestion. "Seriously? You guys have never heard of truth or dare?" More blank faces. "OK, well basically it's what it sounds like- I ask Dexter, for example, 'Truth or dare?' if he says truth, I get to ask him anything and he has to answer honestly. If he picks dare, I get to dare him to do anything and he has to do it. You can set up forfeits if someone isn't comfortable doing something for example, if you can't answer a truth you have to run up and down the corridor screaming bloody murder. If you can't do a dare, you have to do a handstand or something. It's up to you." Saracen's grin was wicked. "I like the sound of that." Everyone else nodded or murmured their agreement. "Truth or dare it is!" Larrikin grinned. "OK, I'm going first. Hopeless, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss Anton." Hopeless grinned and the others whooped. He planted a sloppy kiss on Anton's cheek. Anton, for his part, looked thoroughly disgusted. Hopeless sat back down. "Is it my turn now?" (Y/N) nodded. "OK, um. Skulduggery, truth or dare?" Skulduggery tilted his head, "I'm not playing." he said evenly. "Awww, come on, Skul. Just this round. For me?" Skulduggery sighed. "Fine. Just this round. Dare." Hopeless' grin would have instilled fear in the bravest of warriors. "Run naked down the corridor and yell 'I'm a scary skeleton!' at people." Skulduggery didn't move for a moment. "I despise you." He said, finally getting up. (Y/N) looked away as he removed his clothes, she wasn't sure whether or not it'd be creepy looking at him considering he didn't actually have any flesh but it was weird nonetheless. Skulduggery left the room and for a moment there was silence. Then, "I'M A SCARY SKELETON!" 

"WHAT IN TARNATION, SKULDUGGERY?" The shrieks of his victims mixed with the yells of Skulduggery's velvet voice and were eventually drowned out by the laughs and wheezes of those still in the room. Skulduggery returned, it looked like someone had thrown a vase at his head. He brushed off pieces of pottery and flowers as he dressed. "I hope you're pleased with yourself." 

"Oh, I certainly am." Hopeless grinned. Skulduggery sighed and regained his composure. "Ghastly, truth or dare?" 

"Uh, truth?" Skulduggery thought for a moment. "What was the first piece of clothing you made?" Ghastly paused."A scarf," he said slowly. "I think, anyway. It was hideous, kept falling apart and was a horrible clash of colours. I gave it to my mother." Skulduggery nodded, satisfied with the answer but feeling deprived of the chance to humiliate his best friend. Ghastly scanned the group for his victim. "Erskine truth or dare?" Erskine's eyes glinted wickedly. "Dare." 

"Uhm, I dare you to," Ghastly hesitated while he thought of something. "I dare you to pick up Saracen and drop him." Saracen made a show of looking offended. "Hey!" Erskine's grin spread wider. "With pleasure." And with that he swept Saracen off his feet and promptly dropped him down again. Saracen scowled. "I'm falling over much more than I'd like tonight." Erskine laughed and turned his attention to the woman who was trying to force her eyes to focus. "(Y/N), truth or dare?" 

"Hm? Oh, dare."

"I dare you to sit in Ghastly's lap." (Y/N) was quiet for a second. "How long for?"

"The rest of the game."

"OK." she said happily and hopped into Ghastly's lap. The scarred man had turned the same shade of red as a beetroot and stiffened as she made herself comfortable. She grinned up at him, he forced himself to stare straight ahead and ignore the 'oohs' from the other men. "Hmm, Anton. Truth or dare?" The man didn't answer for a moment. "Dare." he said quietly. "I dare you to," she was interrupted by a massive yawn forcing its way out of her mouth. "Sorry. I dare you to do a cartwheel." Anton's face remained placid as he stood and performed a perfectly executed cartwheel. He came up to the cheers and claps of his friends and turned to the woman in Ghastly's lap. "Happy? I-" he frowned and narrowed his eyes at her. "Is she asleep?" Ghastly looked down and sure enough, (Y/N) was fast asleep and snoring lightly. Dexter laughed. "I think you should've intervened with her drinking sooner, Ghastly." Ghastly stood up and shifted her into his arms. Hopeless peered at her. "You know, he said. "If I didn't know what her glare looked like, I'd say she's almost adorable when she's asleep." 

"What room is she in?" Ghastly asked. Shrugs went around the room, no one knew. Ghastly paused. "Would it be weird to let her stay here?" 

"Probably," Erskine said. "But I'm sure she'll understand." 

"Will she though?" Saracen asked. "Probably not," Erskine confessed. Ghastly carried the sleeping woman over to his bed and laid her down. He tugged off her boots and let the duvet cover her. She did look cute when she was asleep. 

"I'm going to head to bed too." Larrikin yawned. Saracen nodded. "Me too." And so the Dead Men washed and undressed for bed. Skulduggery sat in his chair and kept watch, for skeletons don't need to sleep. Ghastly found an extra blanket in a cupboard and laid down to sleep on the sofa. The Dead Men slept well that night, the sheer fatigue and fuzzy drunkenness were enough to keep the nightmares at bay. None of them would find themselves sleeping so well again in the next few years.


End file.
